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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25752964">Nutmeg and Amber</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wahlenbergian/pseuds/wahlenbergian'>wahlenbergian</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Biting, Cunnilingus, F/F, Fluff, Kissing, POV First Person, Pining, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Scratching, Smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:08:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,586</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25752964</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wahlenbergian/pseuds/wahlenbergian</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The 2020 that... wasn't to be</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Nutmeg and Amber</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I am by myself in my hotel room. I crank up the music and start getting ready. I listen to "Now I'm In It" by HAIM, turning up the volume, silently raising my hands to the music and smiling to myself. </p>
<p>I take a long shower, scalding hot, feeling the water run over my skin and wondering what today will bring.</p>
<p>I wrap myself up in all of the white fluffy towels that this hotel room has to offer, and I lie in my bed, luxuriating in this feeling of anticipation and promise. </p>
<p>Whatever happens tonight, I know that I will always have the memory of this feeling. Of hope and butterflies. The best kind of terror. If I am very lucky, tonight could be an incredible experience with someone I love and trust completely. </p>
<p>I write in my phone journal and take a selfie, just so I can look back and try to catch a shadow of how totally excited I am about tonight. </p>
<p>With cautious optimism I lay out my new lingerie on the bed, and start slowly pulling on my lace-top stockings. </p>
<p>My watch taps me on the wrist, and of course I hope it is from you. I am still surprised every time you send me a message. Part of my brain remains convinced that every time you message me, it will be the last meaningful message I ever receive from you.</p>
<p>"Just confirming - Sarsaparilla's at 6:30 tonight?"</p>
<p>I laugh out loud at the matter-of-fact tone of your text. A small voice in my head still tells me to interpret it as indifference, but I hope that I know you better than that by now. I take a deep breath and bite my lip and decide to be brave and type back exactly how I am feeling:</p>
<p>"You have no idea how much I am looking forward to kissing you."</p>
<p>I look at the send icon for a few seconds in trepidation, take another deep breath, and tap send. Trying to distract myself from waiting for your reply, I carefully roll up my other stocking and smooth it around my thigh. </p>
<p>"I don't want to rush things. I'm not going to kiss you until well after dessert." </p>
<p>I smirk and raise my eyebrows while texting back: "I bet I can make you change your mind."</p>
<p>You are quick to reply: "I accept that bet. Loser pays for dinner"</p>
<p>I decide that I don't need to play fair, and send a photo of the top of my stocking covered thigh. </p>
<p>"Fuck. I am however holding firm with my resolve."</p>
<p>I grin, and select a particularly low cut black dress to wear tonight. </p>
<p>I ask myself if one can actually explode with pent-up desire, and decide that at that moment, it does indeed seem likely. </p>
<p>I look in the mirror and play with my hair, wondering if I should put it up or down. I decide on pinning it up, in the hopes that you will notice the promising skin on my neck. If things go well, then hopefully my hair will be down by the end of the night. </p>
<p>I darken my lips, and then lightly scent my skin. I breathe in honeysuckle, sandalwood, and vanilla.</p>
<p>I take one last glance in the mirror, looking myself in the eyes. "This is it." I say aloud to myself. "Here we go", and walk out the door. </p>
<p>======= </p>
<p>On my way to the restaurant, I listen to "Sight of You" by Sigrid. My heart soars in anticipation and joy. I look around at the other people on the street, and can't believe that everyone else is walking around like this is just some ordinary day. </p>
<p>It feels impossible to think that tonight I might actually get to see you. </p>
<p>I arrive at the restaurant first, glad to have made a reservation on this unusually busy night. I know that you like the seat against the wall, so I take the other. However, this leaves me unable to tell exactly when you will arrive. </p>
<p>I bring out my book and try to read, but find it impossible to concentrate. I take a photo of the book on the table as another souvenir of tonight. I find myself reading the same paragraph over and over. Suddenly words seem to be nothing but black squiggles on a page. I wonder if I have permanently lost the ability to read, and at that moment figure it would be a fair trade if you do indeed end up walking through the door. </p>
<p>My heart is racing. Part of me, as always, is afraid that this is too good to be true, that I'll get a message from you saying that you’re not coming. I don't let myself believe that this could actually be happening. My brain broadcasts half a dozen different scenarios of you cancelling tonight before I realise what it's doing. I mindfully tear it away from that train of thought and try to focus it back on the book. Then my brain decides to broadcast different scenarios of you turning up and realising that you don't feel a spark. "Just breathe" I tell myself. I close my eyes for a second and try to centre myself. </p>
<p>A flicker of movement from the corner of my eye alerts me to the fact that you have entered the restaurant. I don't understand why everyone else doesn't also just stop and stare as you walk past their tables. </p>
<p>You speak to one of the waiters, and I hear her say "your friend is already here", and then point in my direction. </p>
<p>I slowly put my book down and unsuccessfully try to feign nonchalance as I stand.</p>
<p>====== </p>
<p>You look like a goddamn dream. I have completely forgotten how to breathe. </p>
<p>I stand up to greet you, and although your expression is neutral, your eyes do a fast pass up and down my body. </p>
<p>My heart skips a beat and my smartwatch taps me on the wrist to notify me of a potential cardiac event. I know that I will be able to look back at my heart-rate and know the exact second that I set eyes on you again. Because the sight of you makes my heart literally skip a beat. </p>
<p>You slowly walk up to me and we move into a long hug. I run my hands down your back, along your waist, onto your hips. Nutmeg, musk, and amber seemed to float around us. I feel lightheaded. With my hands still on your hips, I pull back a little, so that I can look into your eyes. </p>
<p>I can see you looking at my lips. I lean in closer and bite my lip, and your breath hitches while your eyes close. </p>
<p>With restraint, you pull away and sit down.</p>
<p>We sit opposite each other, and I can feel the air spark between us. There is an unlit candle on the table and I am surprised it doesn't just burst into flames. </p>
<p>I look down at the menu, and try to pretend that I haven't already downloaded it weeks ago in anticipation of this moment. </p>
<p>You have such magic to you. Again, I don't understand why everyone else in the restaurant isn't watching you too because you are by far the most fascinating creature in the room. </p>
<p>The waiter lights the candle between us, and as she sees the way that I am looking at you she raises her eyebrows slightly and I can almost hear her thinking to herself "Ah, likely more than friends then". </p>
<p>I take the time to just sit and look at you across the table. The grief of lost moments threatens to overwhelm me and I quickly blink it away. I remind myself that right now, I am here with you.</p>
<p>The wine arrives and you raise the glass to your lips while looking me in the eyes, and I am completely lost. You could do anything to me after that. My yearning is so intense I want to just push you up against the window and finish you off right there.</p>
<p>As you hold the wine glass, I also make a mental note that your nails are trimmed exceedingly short, and smile softly to myself, and wonder if you thought of me when you did that. </p>
<p>I rest my chin on my hand and just look at you. Soaking in the moment. I feel so honoured that you chose to spend this evening with me. I try to commit every second of this experience to memory. </p>
<p>The food arrives, and I note that hunger seems like such a pale drive in comparison to my need for you. </p>
<p>"Bon appétit, ma chérie" I say. </p>
<p>I ask you about your day and I listen to you telling me all about it. It brings me such joy to see you in a profession that you love. </p>
<p>I look at your lips. I see you looking at mine. </p>
<p>The dessert arrives, and I dip my finger in the chocolate sauce and swirl it around, before bringing it to my lips. I look at you in the eye and deliberately trace my tongue over my finger. </p>
<p>I smirk, and lean forward a little, my black dress tipping forward, and I am gratified to see your eyes drop for a second. I think I see your pulse quicken, but your eyes harden with resolve and you say "I want us to enjoy this meal together first. We have waited hundreds of days. What is a few more hours?" </p>
<p>I sink back into my chair. The tension is almost unbearable. Having you so close, yet so far away.</p>
<p>We finally finish our meal, and I acknowledge defeat and pay the bill. </p>
<p>I take yet another deep breath, and ask "Would you like me to walk you home?". I try to prepare myself for a "no", planning a night of laying crumpled on the floor and staring at the ceiling. </p>
<p>You look at me straight in the eyes and say "Fuck yes". </p>
<p>======== </p>
<p>You take my hand and it shocks me more than it should. I look over at you and you give me a soft smile. I feel such a thrill that you would claim me like this. All I can think about is your hand in mine. It feels so foreign but yet also so right. </p>
<p>We continue walking hand-in-hand, and the feeling of people looking at us is terrifying.</p>
<p>There is still so much of me that is incredulous that this is actually happening. </p>
<p>As we walk through the streets, I feel as if the world is shifting on its axis. That the fundamental truths that I thought I knew about the universe have changed. The complex set of gears that steer the direction of the universe are rearranging themselves under my feet. </p>
<p>======== </p>
<p>We arrive back at your apartment complex and stand in the lift together. I can feel the heat of your body and I silently congratulate myself for not just pinning you against the mirror here and now. It seems so take an age for the lift to rise up those three short stories. </p>
<p>You unlock your front door and pull me inside. I stand slightly apart from you and unbutton my coat, dropping it and my bag onto the floor. I can't bear to look away from you for even a second to find a more suitable place for them. </p>
<p>I pause, step forward and pull you close to me. You hold my face in your hands. </p>
<p>And then suddenly we are kissing. Every neuron in my brain fires simultaneously. I suck on your tongue, and you gently nip my lower lip. I run my tongue over the roof of your mouth, your curls twisted between my fingers, and I pull your mouth hungrily against me. I breathe in a forest of soaring red cedar trees and freshly crushed pine needles. </p>
<p>We are both out of breath. I could kiss you forever. It feels so much better than even my most vivid fantasies. God, I love the way that you kiss me.</p>
<p>========== </p>
<p>You take me by the hand and lead me up to your bedroom, and I think to myself that there is no better feeling in the world than walking up these stairs. You look back at me and smile, and I am reminded of the friendship upon which this night is built, and how much we have shared together. Your smile seems to carry with it all the joy and all the heartbreak and all the longing that has been between us for so long. </p>
<p>I pull out my phone and ask if I can be in charge of the playlist. I don't mention that I started planning this playlist long ago, in cautious optimism that I might be able to use it one day. </p>
<p>The first song is "Utopia", by Lykke Li. </p>
<p>I turn away from you, and turn my head to ask you if you want to unzip my dress. I can feel your breath on my neck as you move close to me and move the zipper down my back, slipping your hands underneath the fabric, and letting it fall to the ground. I turn around slowly as you wrap your hands around my waist. I pull the pins out of my hair so it falls around my shoulders, and you run your hands through my hair roughly. My heart is racing. You pull me closer and grab me by the hair and pull my mouth towards you in a way that undoes me completely.</p>
<p>God, I love your aggression and enthusiasm and vigour. Your passion is such an intense turn-on. I so love the ways that you express your desires for me.</p>
<p>"Wild Horses" by The Sundays comes on.</p>
<p>I take off my glasses and place them carefully on the bedside table. I notice your journal, and hope that some of the moments from tonight are meaningful enough to be captured in there.</p>
<p>I ask you if I can take off your jacket and your shirt, and they are soon also on the floor. </p>
<p>I pull you onto your bed and then lie on top of you. I nearly black out from the incredible sensation of your body finally beneath me. I am lost in wonder and astonishment. I can hardly believe I am actually in your bed with you. I bury my nose into your hair and I am surrounded by night-blooming jasmine, oak moss from the forest floor, and dusky cardamom.</p>
<p>I move my lips along your neck, and then press them closer until I can feel your pulse. </p>
<p>"Would you like me to bite you?" I murmur quietly.<br/>"Fuck yes" you reply, and my heart rate rockets somehow even higher. </p>
<p>I slowly sink my teeth into your neck, feeling your pulse grow stronger underneath my tongue, until I hear you groan  "Fuck", a sound that seems to reach all the way inside me. I ask you if I can leave a mark, and then I suck on your skin, pulling back to admire the bruise that I have left you with.  </p>
<p>I pull back even further to take a moment to just look into your eyes and try to capture this moment. Time with you is such a gift. This is a moment that I feel so lucky to have. I feel so honoured to be invited into your bedroom. I love the look in your gorgeous brown eyes as I fall into you even further. I stroke your cheek with my thumb and stare down at you in wonder. I feel like I have managed to tame a selkie for one evening before you dive back to your mysterious homeland. I smile to myself and I wonder if that's the real reason you never let me stay the night. </p>
<p>The arousal that is twisting through my limbs soon brings me back to the present moment. My whole body is on fire with desire. I am constantly torn between kissing you and pulling back to look at you.</p>
<p>"You smell fabulous" I say. I just wanted to bury myself in your scent. I love the way that it wraps around us both in a maelstrom of redolence. Violets and papaya and sandalwood. </p>
<p>"Shameless" my Camila Cabello begins. </p>
<p>I sit up on top of you, and feel your body between my thighs. Looking into your eyes, I interlace my fingers with yours, and raise your hands above your head. I use one hand to press your hands into the mattress, and with the other I deliberately bring my fingers to my mouth and lick them slowly. Without breaking eye contact, I move these same fingers down my body until they disappear underneath my underwear. I can feel how wet I am for you. I take my fingers, still slick, and slowly move them to your mouth. Your lips part slightly, and I trace their shape before pushing my fingers between your teeth. I feel your tongue tasting me as I press myself against you. </p>
<p>I feel you squirm underneath me and suddenly you are on top and I am underneath you. I nearly fall out of your bed. You catch me and smile and say "I've got you" and I know that you do. </p>
<p>Your sheets feel amazingly soft and silky and I am on a cloud.</p>
<p>Suddenly I realise that even the thin ribbons of satin between us are too much.</p>
<p>I strip off my stockings, and then ask if you would like me to take off your bra, and you give me enthusiastic consent. </p>
<p>I reach around and unhook your bra and the action is so intimate. The mechanism itself is so familiar and everyday - but I still can't believe that this is something I get to do to you. I am still astonished that you want me to undress you. I cannot hold myself back. I want to devour you. A jolt of pure lust frissions through me. </p>
<p>I remove your bra and take another moment to stare at you in wonder. Wishing more than ever that I had a visual memory so that I could carry this sight with me forever. You are magnificent, and suddenly I just want to kiss you everywhere at once.</p>
<p>"You are amazing" I say, once I regain the ability to form basic sentences. </p>
<p>You grab my hair and use it to bring my lips towards you and I can feel myself completely surrendering myself to you. I forget how to breathe, how to think, how to speak. There is just you and me and this moment. </p>
<p>"Queer" by Garbage starts playing. </p>
<p>"I want to leave bruises and marks and scratches up and down your body" I say to you, and I hear you curse to yourself. I love knowing that you are just as intoxicated as I am right now. A shiver runs all the way up my back and into my scalp. </p>
<p>I look up at you. I smile at the thought that collectively we must have read oceans of erotica, and now we finally get to write our own chapter together.</p>
<p>I close my eyes and drink in the scent of you - green foliage, freshly-cut grass, and ripe mandarins. I am so disoriented - it's like being drunk on the most delicious whiskey. Reality has taken on a completely different pattern. Who knew I could feel so alive?</p>
<p>You kiss me fiercely, with my lips between your teeth. "You are so amazing at that", I murmur. I love the way that you taste.</p>
<p>"Bury a Friend", by Billie Eilish begins. </p>
<p>"Would you like me to scratch you?", I ask. <br/>"God yes", you answer. </p>
<p>I lightly run my nails along your back and up to your shoulders, pressing harder until I hear a growl emerge from the back of your throat. I dig my nails into your shoulder. </p>
<p>"I would love it if you left a line of bruises up my thighs", I say. I do not say where I hope your mouth will finally arrive, but I can see in your eyes that we are having exactly the same thought.</p>
<p>You take your time moving down my body, with a slowness that is almost agonising. You nibble my collarbone, your mouth visiting each one of my nipples until they harden, then over my stomach, your teeth grazing against my hip bone, and then finally your lips are against my thighs. You push my legs further apart and I can feel a deep need inside me crack open. "Yes yes yes" I murmur.</p>
<p>You start kissing the inside of my thighs. I am spread out beneath you and I feel like I might go mad with desire. I am so wet that I can feel myself dripping through my underwear. I am throbbing with desire. I can feel my heartbeat between my thighs. The entire galaxy has narrowed down to this single point. I love the way that you are fiercely teasing me. It is sending me out of my mind in exactly the right sort of way. God, I need you.</p>
<p>You move down from my knee, leaving bruises down one thigh, and then as you move to the other thigh, you pause momentarily, and I just groan in desperation. I can feel you kissing and nibbling down my other thigh, moving agonisingly closer, but not nearly close enough.</p>
<p>"God" I pant "If I don't feel your tongue inside me soon, I am going to actually die".</p>
<p>I hear you breathe in sharply and you raise your head to look at me in the eyes. I watch your eyes dilate even further and turn dark with desire, and I luxuriate in the knowledge that I can make you feel the same way that I do. Neither of us are smiling at this point. My spine is a pillar of light and energy. I am delirious.</p>
<p>You press your lips lightly against my underwear. It is soaked through and I know you can feel my wetness. I feel dizzy with anticipation and need.</p>
<p>"I want you to take these off", I say, and you do so and suddenly I am completely naked underneath you. I ponder how this situation can feel so completely familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. How can I feel so scared and safe simultaneously. </p>
<p>You slip a pillow underneath my hips.</p>
<p>No mortal can survive this level of tension. </p>
<p>"Please" I beg. "I need you to fuck me with your tongue". </p>
<p>======= </p>
<p>You narrow your eyes and slowly lower your head, your mouth pausing impossibly just above my clit. I can feel the heat of your breath and it is amazing. I need you. You are so treacherous. This will end me. </p>
<p>You lower your head further, and suddenly your tongue is pressing against my lips, opening me up damn slowly. And then your tongue is just inside my core. My limbs are frozen.</p>
<p>The sensation is incredible. I involuntarily arch myself towards your face. I feel like I might be making a lot of noises right now but I can barely register sound. The sun has extinguished itself, the planets collapsed, the Earth crumbled. Nothing exists in the universe except the sensation of your tongue inside me. </p>
<p>I realise that this restless piece of myself that I had unknowingly dedicated to you has finally stilled. It feels so right to be with you. I don't understand how something so new can feel like coming home.</p>
<p>I twist my hand through your hair, using it to manoeuvre it into the perfect position. My other hand is grabbing onto the wooden rungs above your bed in desperation.</p>
<p>White sparks rock up through all my limbs as you discover new parts of me. I never knew that anything could feel this good.  I manage to say "yes, right there" whenever you identify a new unbelievable spot. </p>
<p>Your tongue is circling languidly and teasingly around my core.  You seem to be almost lazily exploring every inch of me, as I am completely spread open underneath you.  Hot sparks run all the way up my spine. I let go of the bed and rake thin red lines over your shoulders. </p>
<p>I groan, slipping down into a hot dark place that almost feels like drowning.</p>
<p>You curl your hands around my thighs, drawing them up beside your head, fitting your face perfectly between my legs. </p>
<p>"Don't hold back" I manage to say, momentarily remembering how to speak.</p>
<p>You very deliberately slide your tongue further into me, rubbing against exactly the right spot, and it is bliss.  Shivers run up my back as you light me up from the inside out.</p>
<p>I place one hand over yours as an anchor, to hold onto you so I don't sink down completely into oblivion.</p>
<p>Your head rises very slightly, so that your tongue is leisurely and firmly circling all those places around my clit. </p>
<p>"Fuck" seems to be the only word that I can utter.</p>
<p>My legs start shaking with desire. </p>
<p>======= </p>
<p>You raise your head, lick your lips, look me in the eyes, and very deliberately place the heel of your hand firmly above my clit, and push down hard until you hear me groan, until I start to bruise exquisitely. I guide your hand to the perfect place, my other hand twisting your sheets. </p>
<p>With your other hand, you slip three fingers inside me, rubbing right against that spot that almost sinks me completely. </p>
<p>"Yes, right there" I repeat. </p>
<p>I surrender control. You are steering me safely to land in a turbulent ocean of desire.</p>
<p>We lock eyes, and you repeat those motions again and again, slow and hard and precise. </p>
<p>I can hear myself moaning loudly now, all words forgotten. </p>
<p>You rise above me and look deep into my eyes while you bring me to the cusp of nirvana. </p>
<p>"Fuck. I am right on the edge" I somehow manage to say.</p>
<p>I shed my skin. I am now nothing more than a bolt of need and hunger and energy. We are the only two pillars of light left in this void, finding each other and moving together in our need for consummation. </p>
<p>I hold onto you. You are my anchor amongst the waves of pleasure that are getting stronger with every motion of yours. With every crest, colours flash into my mind with increasing intensity: cobalt, indigo, ultramarine. </p>
<p>I push back hard against you. I look at you and hold onto you and I am somehow falling into your eyes while also falling apart.</p>
<p>Your eyes flash with desire, and then you very precisely tip me completely over the edge into ecstasy.  </p>
<p>I fall into it. Waves of pleasure radiate out from my centre and through every part of my body. </p>
<p>A vision of an ocean at night, dark waves, and fierce storms. Pillars of water crashing against each other, white foam against the midnight sky.</p>
<p>You keep on pushing against me until I am complete still and silent, the aftershocks complete and I am spent. </p>
<p>As I quieten, you collapse on top of me, and all I can do is hold you in wonder and appreciation.</p>
<p>I softly kiss you, tasting myself on your lips. To breathe you in. The perfect tranquility of this moment. At least from my perspective.</p>
<p>I take another moment to appreciate the stillness, and then flip you over. </p>
<p>"Your turn", I say with a raised eyebrow.</p>
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